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Thursday, April 21, 2005

The gift that keeps on giving

Late posting today. My sustained efforts to play World of Warcraft have so far been fruitless. What's up with software these days? In my days, software used to fit on an 80kb floppy, and pretty decent software it was too. These days, you have to buy yourself a product spanning four CDs AND download a 112Mb patch.

Anyway, on to today's inane rant. #2 and I were discussing the zen of people buying 5 burgers plus a diet coke to go with them. The discussion rapidly spiralled downwards to gater (google branded water) and then to spam, which inevitably resulted in a discussion about the possible merits of, shall we say, google branded gentlemanly attribute enchancers.

I used to work for a company providing payment gateway services. One of our prospective clients was the purveyor of such equipment (they never became actual clients, mainly due to the fact that the bank we were working with turned down their application because they had the word "Penis" in their company name). Such was the hilarilty engendered by the idea of transacting such equipment over my pet project (the payment gateway) that we took the liberty of nosing over to this client's site to see WTF this product was.

We were horrified.

Basically it involves strapping this device to your waist, in belt-like fashion, and slipping a noose-like appendage over the head of man's best friend. The pull generated by the device is supposed to stretch out said body part, and lengthen it.

Now, I'm sort of not ok with this. The various parts of my body and I grew up together like, and we're really attached to each other in an emotional kind of way. The whole idea feels like, I don't know, your leg suddenly deciding to strangle your ear to make it look sexier.

Back to the point in question. We were discussing the merits of a google made enlarger - I'm sure it would be a hit with the more self concious members of the male species (no pun intended), especially if they do it like gmail... the gift that keeps on giving. Personal opinion has it that the people who designed that system should have incense burnt to them every day - mailbox size has now peaked 2.2 Gb and growing.

Just imagine, every morning this little guy would gt up and see a counter ticking up on his little friend. Wahey.

Most of the day was pretty sucky. I'm still trying to figure out a way to break the language barrier and communicate with consultants. Maybe I'm using the wrong signals. I mean, it might be possible that "DO NOT COPY AND PASTE STUFF FROM WORD INTO THE APPLICATION!!!" might be interpreted as "Yes, please do copy and paste stuff from word". By a drunk. With a concussion. And ear problems. In swalhili. Underwater.

It's possible that I'm just using the wrong body language to express myself. I'll try to fix that, preferably with a big hammer.

Sigh. They never thaught us these things in University.


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